On being pregnant:
I used to say things like, "by the time I'm pregnant, birth will be pain-free!" I was definitely a fan of medicine's version of childbirth. But that was before I really gave it any thought, or looked into it at all.
Medicine is fantastic for the women who really need it; women are saved pretty regularly by hospital staff for various reasons. However, the interventions these women need are not the interventions all women need. There should not be a standard of care where you receive the one thing that has been proven to work regardless of your actually needing it.
Hey, hospitals need to cover their ass. They could get sued.
I digress.
My original intent is to write about what I thought before and what I think now, because what you think before you live something is not necessarily what you think after or during.
As with my opinion on abortion, my opinion of birth is much different now.
I believe that birth can (and should) be a positive experience for mother and baby. There are risks to the birth I am choosing to try to have, but there are also risks in choosing a hospital birth. Birth is not risk free, no matter what you choose.
I will be the first to admit that birth terrifies me somewhat. I think it's mostly the unknown that scares me. Every birth is different, someone's story about when they gave birth will be different than what I have to say, so the question remains: what will it be like? I am intimidated by not knowing what to expect (other than pain). I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in feeling this way among first-time mothers, which is why hospital birth is so appealing to women - there's a certain sense of safety associated with being in a hospital at a time of potential medical crisis. And yes, there are benefits to being in a hospital if something does go wrong.
People tend to assume that I have just up and decided to have my baby at home. With this assumption comes the inevitable, "don't you know that birth is dangerous!?"
Yes, I do know this. I have made this decision based on the information I have acquired and I really believe it to be the best choice for me. It is by no means the best choice for everyone, and I have neither said this nor meant to imply it. It is, I believe, the best choice for me.
In talking to these same people I often find that they base their opinions on an article they read in a magazine, or some form of media coverage of something. And they are adamant that what they think is the only right way to think.
Some of them have never had children.
Some of them will never have children.
These two latter groups I try to take in stride, as they are usually the most vehement backers of hospital birth. There is nothing to be done but smile and nod at them, because they will never listen to why I made this decision (and continue to research it). They only want to tell me how stupid and selfish I am for making it. One blogger (who happens to be an O.B.) called the home birth "movement" narcissistic. The people I talk to in person are generally of a similar mindset.
As I said earlier: there is no middle ground.
The above is what bothers me most. I shall call it "the great divide." People must have their opinions and your opinion is only okay if it matches their own. Never-mind being open minded about things, or at the very least receptive.
I understand why people are shocked when I say I'm going to try to have my baby at home. I know that it's not how the majority would do it. And I know there is a lot of media available against it. And of course I know the risks involved with it (they are not as terrible as one is led to believe, but they are still present). I feel, sometimes, that my understanding is like banging my head against a brick wall. It doesn't matter that I understand these things, all that matters is that I see the error in my own judgement and the terrible mistake I'm about to make.
Dealing with it is even more difficult when it's coming from people who aren't pregnant and potentially never will be. I'm glad they are concerned for my well-being, but I would appreciate if they gave me credit for the information I've gathered. I'm doing my best to make an educated decision, and that does include looking at the situation from all of the angles I can perceive. So in a way these people are helping me, just not in the manner they had in mind. Still, I'm not really a fan of being given a rather loud version of the cold shoulder.
When I speak with someone who has a different opinion I try to figure out where the opinion came from. What information led them here? I tend to work under the assumption that they had some sort of logical thought process behind it (which is not always the case).
I was one such person in my days of, "just give me pain killers," and my pro-choice opinions. I now understand what I had to overlook to hold those opinions. For me, it's a damned lot to overlook.
Being pregnant is a life-altering journey. It certainly has changed my mind about a number of things and solidified my pro-life stance quite a bit just from what I've learned about Baby's development. It has also opened my mind to things I'd never thought of, and would never have thought of if I was not pregnant.
I suppose what I'm driving at here is that opinions are all well and good, until you're actually living the situation you've formed your opinion about.
Experience can change a lot about a person, not the least of which being their worldview.
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