Separation Anxiety...

I just finished reading a book called Good News About Sex and Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions About Catholic Teaching by Christopher West.  Mine was not the revised edition the link goes to.

As a convert this book was helpful.  It went into greater depth on many subjects than hubby could, and it answered my questions - some of which I didn't even know I had.  More than that, the book solidified my theory that there is a great divide between society and Christian morals.  I know that's like pointing to the sky and saying, "look! It's blue!" but the separation is more noticeable to me now.

Before I had even thought about converting, in 2006(ish), I was living with my first boyfriend.  I had been neglecting my religious life except to attend a church camp during high school ('06 was my graduation year) but I still held firm to waiting until marriage...until pushover me happened.  I was devastated, and I should have known right then and there to leave and put myself back together, but the stubborn me decided I could make things right if only I married this boy.  I was 18, and being 18 I was pretty dumb.  Maybe not dumb, but certainly clueless. 
At any rate, I would come across the Christian teaching of sex and marriage in various ways and I would willfully ignore it.  I chose not to acknowledge it because it made me uncomfortable.  I wouldn't even take the time to really think about why it made me uncomfortable, I'd just forget about it and go about my merry way.  Because if I didn't pretend it didn't exist (via making fun of it with all of my other liberal friends) I had to look my mistake square in the eyes and completely reorder my life.  I knew I was wrong, and I knew I wasn't happy, but I wasn't willing to face the amount of change that needed to happen to make things right.  It wasn't until I was completely miserable that I decided to make a change, but even then it was a pathetic change, and I didn't learn anything. 
I didn't learn anything because according to society I had nothing to learn, I just had to find myself a better boy.
So I went on toeing around the Christian teaching, making absurd excuses like, "everybody else does it," to bandage the wound I had so covertly inflicted upon myself.  I say covertly because I didn't even realize what I was doing when it happened, all I knew was that I was hurting.  I spent a few years playing the blame game and pointing fingers to things that had nothing to do with my pain.  But it always came back, and each time it was a little more acute.  I was bandaging the wound, but not cleaning it so that it could truly heal.

Then I met my husband.

We had a lot of conversations while riding around the city in his car.  A very large portion of them was me posing theoretical situations to him regarding Christian teaching.  Eventually I decided to go to midnight mass, and then I made the commitment to convert.  It took me a long time to level with my past decisions, and I still haven't found peace from them, but I'm getting there: it's hard to say, "yeah, I messed up," instead of making excuses.

But now I understand the way things are meant to be.  I understand that society has degraded and is degrading sex in such a way that is laying the foundation for social turmoil.  The separation that has occurred regarding sexuality is quietly destructive.  Women complain that they can't find a decent man, but they don't understand that a huge part of the reason for this is because of what society is teaching.  A lot of people seem to miss the real importance of the contraceptive debate for this reason.  More is at stake here than people realize, and those that don't see are (more often than not) blinded by the intentional divorce of sex and children.

Lessons Thirty through Thirty-five

I'm doing extra lessons today because it's been a while since I've actually posted a lessons entry - even though they're supposed to be every Friday.
There are three more lessons left after this!

Lesson Thirty
Contrition
To be completely honest, I think the world needs more of this.  At least people should read this chapter of the catechism; it explains how to be truly sorry for something you've done wrong.  The chapter itself is writing up to the next chapter concerning confession, but could be taken out of the book and made a life lesson.
The whole point is to be very, truly sorry for the wrongs you've done (sins you've committed) before you confess them.  You wouldn't make an apology to someone without meaning every word, would you?

Lesson Thirty-one
Confession
A complete confession is humble, has no lies, and no intentional omissions.  It is your duty to be honest with yourself and your confessor.  Perhaps the former is the most difficult.

Lesson Thirty-two
How to Make a Good Confession
This chapter details how to make a good confession.  You should prepare by thinking of all the sins you've committed between confessions.  I try not to leave anything out, no matter how dumb it might be; if I feel bad for it, I should confess it.

Lesson Thirty-three
Temporal Punishment and Indulgences
435. What is an indulgence?  An indulgence is the remission granted by the Church of the temporal punishment due to sins already forgiven
 436.  How many kinds of indulgences are there?  There are two kinds of indulgences, plenary and partial.
Plenary is full remission and partial is, well, partial.
You cannot gain an indulgence for another living person, but you can gain an indulgence for a soul in purgatory.
I'm not sure how I feel about indulgences.  They seem kind of selfish to me, but I'm not sure I fully understand them.  The way I see it, you should be the best possible person you could ever be without seeking reward.  But I could be understanding the premise incorrectly.

Lesson Thirty-four
Anointing of the Sick and Holy Orders
This lesson explains why the sick should be anointed and touches on Holy Orders at the end. 

Lesson Thirty-five
Matrimony
467.  What should Catholics do to prepare for a holy and happy marriage?  To prepare for a holy and happy marriage Catholics should:

• first, pray that God may direct their choice;
• second, seek the advice of their parents and confessors;
• third, practice the virtues, especially chastity;
• fourth, frequently receive the sacraments of penance and Holy Eucharist

This chapter also explains some of the rules regarding matrimony and briefly touches on why divorce is invalid in the eyes of the church.
"What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder."

~~~

I feel like this entry was kind of weak, but I can't think of anything more to say for these.  I guess I'm just not having a verbose day.
And that, ladies and gentleman, was an excuse to use the word "verbose."

FAQ and Miscellanious Musings.

Random story:
This morning, while opening the shop, I grabbed the airpot full of warm water to brew coffee and set it in the sink as usual - I brew a pot of water before leaving to keep the pot warm, thus keeping the coffee hotter for longer during the day.  I measured the grounds into the filter, loading them into the brewer and proceeded to empty the airpot into the sink.  Today there was some sort of spider, about the size of a dollar coin, in the sink.  I watched him as he struggled to avoid the flood, which he did successfully all the way up until the very end when he seemed to just give up.  He curled into a ball and followed the last trickling stream down the drain.
I wanted to save him, but I'm afraid of spiders.
I was so sad that he went down the drain.  I even said, "I'm sorry spider."  I felt bad that I had potentially killed him for almost an hour, and even recounting the story just now I still feel bad.
And that's my random story.

Some of these questions are off topic; I just decided I wanted to write about what it is I get asked the most as a blogger and as a barista.

Great Expectations part II

In a recent post I outlined what I perceive to be society's expectations of me and in general.  I didn't touch on everything because, well, there's a lot to touch on.
I don't consider myself someone who conforms to the expectations of society, so following is what I expect of myself:

I should be happy, and grateful, for all of the things in my life.  Things like running water, a grocery store, transportation, electricity, the people in my life who love me, and the people in my life who don't.
I should be grateful to God, and I should tell Him so daily.
I do not yet fill this expectation.  But I am working hard to do so.

I should be honest.  At all times.

I expect myself to be kind to everyone, regardless.  Sometimes (rarely) I can't manage to pull this one off.  This is usually when you've done so many things to me that I can't look at you without registering some form of pain, be it anger or sadness.  I'm always deeply disappointed with myself when I can't find it in me to be kind; no one should be treated poorly.
That being said, I am never malicious.  Period.