On Being Socially Inept

Hi, I'm socially inept.

I didn't used to be this way..
During high-school I was just that shy kid who sat in the corner and read books that you assumed got awesome marks in whatever class you saw me in.  The majority of my time was actually spent drawing, which is just as destructive to your marks as passing notes, or any other occupation that takes your attention away from the class (for the record).

Being shy is rather like being socially awkward.  You're just quiet, and sometimes you might say things that are a bit behind in the conversation.  Mostly it's your silence that makes it awkward.  This was me until I spent some years going to retreats at a church camp in The Black Forest called La Foret.  La Foret really opened me up by subjecting me to an environment where my thoughts would not gain criticism if I voiced them.  This kind of environment is perfect for someone who is shy or socially awkward.
Since then, through relationship mishaps and some generally negative people, I've reverted to a turtle version of me.  Gradually moving from socially awkward to socially inept.

Yes, there is a difference between socially inept and socially awkward.

Ineptitude in social situations is hindering at best.  A difficulty finding words leads to an inability to relate, which leads to long, awkward silences in which you are staring at exactly everything except the person in front of you.  Sometimes even when you can find words your mouth refuses cooperation and, if you're like me, you end up freezing, or back-pedaling in the conversation while being terribly embarrassed.
I can't tell you the number of times I've felt the heat creep up the back of my neck - which flusters me more - at the mispronunciation of a word or just a simple misspeaking on my part.  Then I wonder if I'm blushing (because my face sure feels hot, there's no way people can't see me turning bright shades of red right now) which derails my thought train, ultimately ending in fiery death and destruction for the passengers aboard.  And then there I am, my hands usually in mid-gesture, grinning like a total nincompoop completely unsure of where to go next.
This is when I usually apologize, saying something like, "I'm sorry, I'm kind of bad at this."

You also have an inability to interject in a conversation when dealing with ineptitude.  This could be for lack of a topic you can relate to, or simply because your inner shy kid is getting the best of you.  What usually happens to me is I wait too long to say what it is I'm thinking, and by the time there's a suitable break in the conversation the topic has changed, so I must also move on.  This is usually more applicable in group settings.

The most difficult thing about my social ineptness is my speech patterns.  Sometimes they are odd.  Most times I have to explain myself because, more often than not, someone misunderstands.  I don't know about others who consider themselves socially inept, but I spend an absurd amount of time explaining myself.  This goes for actions too; being socially inept is not limited to verbal interactions.  It includes body language and conscious actions (like doing a curtsy) that can be misinterpreted by an observer.

I would much prefer being socially awkward.  Being socially awkward just means you create a lot of awkward situations with your social interaction quirks.  It's much easier for you to speak up, or be high energy.
Being socially inept, I find myself fighting off an almost paralyzing fear of, not rejection per se, but something close.  It's very difficult for me to get to know someone to begin with (it always has been) but now, with everything that's happened in the last six months or so, I find myself battling this insanely strong impulse to just shell up.  Turtle me.  If I'm a turtle, no one can hurt me, right?
Wrong.
I can hurt me.
And by being a turtle I am doing just that; hurting myself.

So I would say, to all of those wonderful socially inept people, try to fight through the fear.  You'll run into people who will misinterpret and be malicious about it, but you'll also find people who will misinterpret and be kind about it.  The trick is learning which people are which and surrounding yourself with support.
Eventually you'll come out of your shell.  It will take some time (maybe a lot of time, maybe a little) but it's well worth the effort.

And to all of you out there who are OK in social situations; be patient with us.

~~~

Question Three:

If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?  Why haven't you told them yet?