One of my major, major flaws is that I go and go and go until I just can't go anymore. I drive until I break down. Sometimes when I break down I'm a minor wreck, sometimes I'm a major catastrophe.
A beautiful example of this behavior in myself has been this holiday season - and, to some extent, getting the puppy. We had company starting the 17th of December. They left Christmas day and my parents arrived the 26th. My parents only stayed a few days, then hubby went on night shift. Then I got sick. Now we're here.
During this time it seems like I had multiple "holy shit, I can't handle all of this" moments. The biggest of these was this morning before mass. This one was triggered by a specific innocent phrase hubby said to me before leaving for work last night, but I had been teetering on the edge for a bit while I was sick.
God bless my husband. He deals with this particular fault very well, and I am enormously grateful for that.
I call this flaw/fault my boomerang flaw because it keeps coming back.
In my nature I am a doer. I like to get things done efficiently, sometimes to a fault. My ex roommate calls me the tetris master for how I load things into a car when moving (I've moved her two, maybe three times now); also for the way I load the dishwasher. I'm weird about the dishwasher. I hate to run it if there is any empty space, and I like to cram as many dirty dishes as physically possible into it before using the dish detergent.
Anywho.
Because I am a doer, I tend to be impatient about things not getting done. This is unfortunate, because I do things faster than most other people and I tend to expect someone to respond promptly to something like a full trash can. Other people just don't care as much about these things, and that's okay.
What I need to work on is being okay with it.
So I guess this fault is really two faults: going and going and going until I cannot possibly go any more mixed with being impatient.
When I was pregnant I was somehow able to turn this off in my head. I was okay with a fairly messy kitchen, and clutter on the breakfast bar.
I wish I had been able to retain that.
So, back to work I go. Hopefully I'll have some luck fixing this; I've tried so many times I've lost track. Although, I think I'm better than I was even last year.
Another thing I've been thinking about is how incredibly blessed I am to have sort of stumbled into my current life.
I love the family I married into, I don't have any weirdness with my own parents, I married the man of my dreams, and we have a beautiful baby boy.
I have no idea what I did right, or if I did anything right, really. It humbles me in an odd way to think about it.
I can say that I think my life is finally coming together, that I've finally figured out the right fork to take at the crossroads. It took some learning and some scars, but I think I may have got it together now (aside from the aforementioned flaw). Not to imply that I'm totally put together, because I'm not. As a side note: anyone who says they are should be carefully observed for signs of mental instability (i.e. living in la-la-land).
That's another topic: the situations and manners in which my scars reveal themselves continue to surprise me. That's maybe a story for another day.
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I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!
Also, merry Christmas (late), happy new year (late), and happy Epiphany! (late)
heh...better late than never?
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